Confidence is actually half the battle won in mot situations, as well as being a very powerful psychological effect on everyone around you. Confidence is belief, it is purpose and it is movement, it drives you towards a situation where failure is not an option and ‘trying your best’ is just a popular euphemism – even a cliché you might call it.

We all need to have confidence in you and if you think that you are not a confident person at heart, then it is time to rethink and re assess what you are doing in your life and use some confidence techniques to help you get back in the heat of things and lead the charge to your own life’s success. There are many factors that can lead to the drop in confidence and they can include things like experiential anecdotes, traumas, phobias in your life or even things that you do in your everyday life.

The bottom line about this theory is negative energy and one look at the world would see wave upon wave of negative energy almost becoming a sea that surrounds and would very well threaten you. We are all drowning in our own negative spirits and it is important to note that we need to find a life buoy to keep our selves afloat and get to that little island where we can start to rebuild the foundations of our economic, social and emotional survival.

This is where confidence techniques come in and to quote a popular Monty Python song, you need to start looking at the bright side of life, and this is the only way that you are going to overcome low self esteem and other low confidence problems. Recognise that you are the only person best equipped to solve all your problems, and in doing so, you will then start the momentum needed to better yourself. First and foremost, you need to start celebrating, and I mean about anything, even if the triumph or achievement is something that is really not that large.

Once you are able to do this, you will be pervading positive energy all around you and then and only then can you start to lift your head up above the clouds. Ignore the negative aspects of your life and this can even be the people that you surround yourself with, and this even includes your family members. You have to train yourself to shrug off comments and not take things too much to heart, and believe in your own abilities; this will allow you to maximise the potential of your inert gifts and talents and breathe new life into them.

You also need to take stock of your life and take a deep breath and stress is one of the main factors which will then lead you to the mental breakdowns of all breakdowns. These are some of the techniques and methods you can use to assess, focus, marginalise and destroy the aspects of your life that are riding down your self confidence.

How this works is because their critical thought processes and their logic has not been fully developed yet; and one of the reasons is because that they do not have the experience and the content/knowledge necessary to make sense of things. They are still learning and in the process of learning, they have to rely on the knowledge and wisdom of others to make sense of the world. What can be best described is that children are born as a blank slate, and it is up to the people around them to fill it with the brightest and best colours they can get. One of the emotional and cognitive abilities that they develop is tied down to their E.Q and their own self esteem.

There are many factors that lead to this, and when looking at the complexities of the human mind, there is still so much that we do not understand about how the sub conscious works and how it really controls every part of our personality and our character. But this much we do know, the mind of a child is in a crucial time and anything that gets inside of his or her head – will stay there. It could be a trauma, with emotions so strong that it gets wired into their psyche and forms into the building blocks of their character. Another thing is messages and examples set by the environment and the people around them play a large part in developing their self confidence.

One thing you need to know is that when children are exposed to plenty of negativity, this will be reflected in who they become later on in their adult life and when they are exposed to people who keep putting them down; and this could even be their parents, then they would have a level of very low self esteem. It is also one thing to note that it is also down to the strength of the mind of the child and other factors; like of course like their social network, psychological conditioning, the diet they are exposed to, any other volatile factors that could affect how they view the world and how the world interacts with them. In children, developing self esteem is very important and children need to develop one that is high at an early stage, because it is something that they will carry with them till they are adults.

The definition of someone who mopes is really someone who is dragging their feet all over the place, with no self-confidence, believing that the world is better off without them and finally convincing himself or herself that they are worth as much as bag of money with the bottom ripped open. Surely, you have seen or met this person before, and it seems that a dark cloud seems to follow them where ever they go. It rains when they come and generally, they spoil the party atmosphere faster than someone with bad gas. In fact, you could have been this person at one time or another and it does not feel good to be going around in the world thinking of dark things like death and suicide and cutting and drugs and overdose – they wear you out pretty fast.

The good news is that there are established step by step methods that you can follow to make sure that your confidence comes back to you. This is not saying that these methods will be really easy, but there are ways that you can regain your self esteem after some practice. You do not need to simply turn your life around, but it is a gradual process that requires one very special and key ingredient. And it is called desire.

You must have the desire to want to change things around and you must have the desire to regain the confidence that you have lost. The first and most important thing is to identify the enemy and the enemy is you. You are the one who is the main cause of your no confidence and it is you that must initiate the change. Ironic isn’t it. The explanation behind this is quite simple because it alludes to the fact that you and your skewed objectives have led you into areas of failure. For example, a person who is not a natural singer, convinces himself that he is, and starts a failed from the start career move into the singing industry. Constant failure leads him to get disappointed over and over again and slowly this person loses all of their self esteem.

As you can see, it is the person who believes in something that he has no gift in. You need to recognize what you are good at and develop this from there. Now take a good look at your life. What are your strengths? What are your natural and developed gifts that have made you the person you are today? Next thing that you should do is to recognize whether or not you are making full use of these gifts. It is very easy and simple to burn out and lose all confidence in yourself when you are doing something you are not made to do. Once you can get this list up, you need to eliminate the things in your life that are causing you grief, channel your energies to your talents and progress from there. Soon, you will have regained the self confidence that you need to be a better person. ]]> http://www.more-confident.com/confidence-building-exercises-to-sweat-out-your-moping-self/feed/ 0 http://www.more-confident.com/self-esteem-tips/ http://www.more-confident.com/self-esteem-tips/#comments Sat, 13 Jun 2009 09:31:43 +0000 Admin http://www.more-confident.com/?p=116 The first step that you need to take is to know that you have self esteem issues in the first place and this can be the hardest thing for you to do. Admitting that you have lost some of your confidence and that you need to do something about it can be a hard fact to swallow but you need to start listening to what people close to you are saying about you and one of the most important things you need to understand is that it is their advice that will be the alert you need. Once you know that you have a self-esteem issue, you then need to proceed on to step two.

The next step that you need to take is to actually go out and have a self assessment test done on your self esteem and it is not that difficult to find a qualified psychologist and therapies that can perform this. All you need is a controlled environment and the simple test needs no expensive and involved equipment at all; in fact, all you need is the psychologist, a test full of questions and an appraisal after that. After you get your score, then you will be able to know how you fair and whether or not you need to get something done.

The next thing that you need to do is to find out exactly what are the factors that are causing you to have low self esteem. If it is the environment that you are exposed to and the people that you are in contact with, it is time to change that or adapt to another one. If it is the job you are holding or other activities that are taking up your time, then you need to identify them. If it is within your mind because of your past, then you need to explore therapeutic and regressive methods needed to reconcile yourself with the pat and dredge yourself out of your self esteem hole.

Another thing that is common in an exercise to get back your self confidence is to build up a small journal or list of the strengths and aptitudes that you have as a person. When you are coming up with this list, it is quite important that you get feedback from other sources all over your social circle, your loved ones and sometimes, people who just only got to know you. This way, you can compare what you know about your own abilities versus what people perceive about you in the first place.

Last but not least, you need to celebrate your achievements and your gifts, and do it as often as you can. You need to turn that list into a feel good list that you can turn to uplift your spirits every time you are feeling down. It is like a shot of espresso or whiskey in the morning, it should get you going and make you elated and remind yourself of how good you can be whenever you have doubts of yourself. With this, you can regain your self esteem in no time at all.

You can be a brilliant sculptor, but if you have been exposed to the sort of conditions that make you not believe in your own abilities, then you may lose all your abilities altogether. The thing about this is that most of our abilities lie in the mind. The way we do things, the expertise, our own brand of excellence and the methodologies all lie within the mind and when that happens, what we get is basically a blueprint of our gifts and talents written in the mind.

When we believe in them and are not affected by the sort of things that give off negative energy, then we have mental clarity. When we have mental clarity, we can then focus on our abilities and divert our energy into doing them. Now, when we lose the confidence to do them anymore, this is when our mind is clouded with negative thoughts and events that seem to be dragging us down. The end result is a mind that is not clear and is not able top focus on the gifts that we already have.

We get obscured and we cannot divert the energy needed to get this machinery going because all the energy is either lose within the superstructure of our cluttered mind or gets diverted into negative energy. So what we need in this case is to be able to boost confidence back in ourselves and clear our mind.

The first thing that you need to do is to step back and take a deep breadth. Meditate, go out in nature or take some yoga. If you can, go for some aromatherapy and a massage to clear your head and use that time when you are slipped into a relaxed state to take stock of your life and identify the negative things in them.

Next, create a list of these negative things and assess what exactly they are and how they play a part in your life. This is the most important part of this because what you are doing is essentially drawing up a battle plan for yourself and recognising your enemy.

When you know your enemy well, what you do next is the third and most important part of this plan, which is to decide how to best deal with it. You can eliminate it from your life, or you can tweak either yourself or your situation to turn the negative into a positive. Boost your confidence today.

Step 2.
And this is one of the more important steps that you need to consider, and this step allows you to take stock of your strengths and weaknesses. What you need to do is to make a list of the strengths and weaknesses that you have within you. One of the things that is most important in making this list is that you cannot make this list on your own. You need to recruit the help of your loved ones and people that know you best to help you make this list. Once you are able to compare what you think of yourself with what people think are the best points about you, then you are able to see what the disparity is and how you can adjust it so that there is a compromise between the two. Some psychologists actually call this the feel good list and for good reason, this is a list that people use to remind themselves of how good they are and where their strengths lie.

Step 3.
This is another facet of a list, and you need to put down a list of everything that you have achieved in your life and with each success, celebrate it in some small way. One of the most interesting things about this list is the ability to slowly elate the person and slowly build them the confidence and self esteem that they need. The building blocks of a person with high self esteem is positivity and in this case, you need all the positivity that you can get to launch yourself out of the doldrums of your life and stretch your potential like never before. With this list, you can slowly rebuild yourself with positive energy.

These are some of the things that you can use to rebuild your self esteem, and as you can see, these methods are pretty easy to do and you can do this in your own time and sometimes, in the comfort of your own home. Building your self esteem and confidence never was so easy.

They also feel that they do not have the ability to be as confident or as gung ho as other people, and they will often avoid situations where they might be rejected or failure might be an option. One thing you need to understand is that these people do not want to be in that percentile of people, but they want to be more self confident and take on the world like a tiger. So what you need to do if you think that you have a low self esteem problem? There are ways you can take stock of the situation and improve yourself and this article will show you some simple things that you can do in order for you do achieve this.

One of the things that you may want to consider is taking a deep breath, which is quite important in regards to taking the first step to much better self esteem. Take a deep breath and relax, understand that you need to breathe in and look at the bigger picture. Next thing you need to do is to make a list of the gifts and strengths that you already have. You can ask other people that you know, your loved ones and the people close to you to help you with this list.

You cannot trust yourself to build this list, because your own ideas will get in the way. You need to be able to get outside opinion. This list is the feel good list that you need to take stock of who you are and what people think are your strengths. The other thing you need to do is to realize the limits that you have as a person and understand that these are realistic limits. If you are not a borne genius in mathematics you do not keep telling yourself that need to prove yourself in this area.

With this you can stop putting yourself down and understand that your strength lies in other places. You can then pursue the strengths that you know you have, so you would not be able to keep getting disappointed as well. Once you are able to succeed in anything or have an achievement, you will then celebrate and use these small victories as anchors to increase your self esteem. With these methods, anyone can simply build themselves step by step and block by block and have more self confidence.

There are actually plenty of definitions when talking about self esteem, and they can be attributed to dividing the successes versus the failures. Self esteem can also be said to be a basic human need which is the key ingredient in building things like confidence and the ability to apply themselves to anything they want. Confidence and self esteem are key to building a better person. In the area of psychology, there are ways to measure self esteem. One of the tests that can be considered is the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale, which can be used to measure the level of self esteem, using a normal ten question layout to assess the behavioural context of the person and then followed by a four point response system to finish of the test and average out the scores.

In the end of the day, the simple thing to note about self esteem is part of very personality out there, and in all of us are different levels of self esteem. There can be many reasons for the disparity of these levels and they can range from reasons that have cropped up during the developmental stage of the person all the way to the time when they are in the teens. One of the most important findings of psychology is that self esteem is built most effectively during the time in which a child is being raised, the kind of household that they have been raised in as well as the sort of stimulation they have received (experiential) as well. Self esteem can be destroyed even when someone has entered into the adult phase of their life and a constant barrage of negativity is one of these reasons.

Self esteem is tightly connected with many brain functions, the subconscious and how the person thinks about themselves as well as the juxtaposing of their inner selves onto the world. There has been plenty of research on the theories of implicit self esteem as well as the external factors of self esteem on a person and more research is still being furthered to find out exactly how the brain structures an image of the person that they see every day. It can vary according to many different factors. Self esteem is within us, and the only thing that can improve it and build it up, is using the tools we already have.

Have you ever tried to smile and think a negative thought? Usually the result is that one of the feelings will win out. Whether it is you will feel better because you smiled or that you will eventually feel bad and frown, this is an important fact in human psychology.

Humans cannot really hold attention on more than one thought at a time. This is the key to mastering oneself in this life.

Victor Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist who ended up in a concentration camp during World War II. He witnessed numerous atrocities and was a victim of German experimentation himself.

However, he observed that people trapped in the camp had different ways of dealing with their dire predicament. Some people lost the will to live, others went mad. Some men turned on their fellow inmates, while some ended their lives in suicide.

There were others, though who turned out quite differently. There were men who went from hut to hut, and gave away their last piece of bread. They encouraged the men, women, and children of the camp to keep on living. They gave them a reason to hope for a better future.

Why were these men, in the face of overwhelming despair, still able to master themselves enough to help others with their problems? This is what puzzled Frankl. But even he would eventually find out why when he was tortured.

Frankl believes that between stimuli and response lays the choice of man to react to any given circumstance. He has practiced this in the concentration camps and his sense of future vision helped him survive. He realized he had a choice, and his choice was to live.

The human animal is the only organism so far known to be aware of its own existence. Untrained, this awareness does not help him overcome his instincts to react to any given situation. Frankl has found out that it is possible to use the will to make a choice on how one can react.

Other theories also hold true to this tenet. Sales people have long practiced that if one smiles long, he will eventually feel good about himself. In essence, he can make himself feel anything he wants. In essence, it is outside-in.

Smile even if there is no reason to smile. It will foster a sense of positivism that drives out negative thoughts. This is a two-edged sword. Try to frown and you can find yourself too serious to even let people near you. Our thoughts are fluid and they are ever in one state to the other.

The challenge is to keep them where you want them.

The Buddhists have long recommended breathing methods to clear the cobwebs from your everyday life. They believe that a sense of detachment and awareness of one’s state is the key to dealing with unbalanced emotion.

The effect of breathing is that concentrating on the breath is a source of steadiness that is much needed when one needs a sense of control. Breathing deeply and concentrating on it also loosens hold on the ego. It supplies the body with more oxygen to fight the effects of stress.

The Buddhists sense of detachment lessens the stress of responsibility by teaching the practitioner to not be concerned on the outcome of a task, but to only enjoy the process. Coupled with an emphasis on simplicity, compassion, and exercise, the lifestyle Buddhists lead is full of activity yet does not affect their outlook in life.

The test is still to catch yourself when you are too stressed to function well. This is where choice comes in. You make the choice to stop work when going on will be counter-productive. You choose whether it is feasible to commit to a project when you know you already have your hands full. Awareness is the gauge that tells you when you have too much. Choice is the lever that you turn to ease the pressure.

Part of choosing is when to say no. When presented with an opportunity. One must ask if the opportunity is feasible and if there it time to devote to it? If it is not, then there should be no shame in declining. Overloading oneself is another sign of poor choice, and doesn’t do you or the inviting party any lasting good.

The key is the awareness to response with an appropriate choice.

The alarm rings, you wake up. You turn off the alarm and start the series of rituals that would get you showered, dressed, fed with breakfast, and eventually on your way to work. You kiss your wife on the cheek as she readies herself for work and taking the kids to school. You say your goodbyes.

As you take your car from the driveway, you notice that all is quiet in the early dawn. You like to leave for work early to get away from the traffic. The trip is uneventful and the radio blares out music you have no fondness for.

As you arrive at work, you check your mail, and start work with a cup of coffee. Lunch comes and goes. You think about saving enough to run a small business in a few years. You have told yourself the same thing for three years now.

What’s wrong with this picture? Are you one of them? Does the same dreary day pass by one after the other until you realize you’re thirty-five with little time left?

Don’t let this happen. Start setting goals with a timeline. Set goals by the SMART method.

The SMART method of setting goals has been around for a long time and has been used by many people. It is one of the many tools used by executives to hit their goals realistically and consistently with enough room to adjust to unforeseen circumstances.

Setting goals is a mind game that needs to be revisited as often as possible. This is to establish the goal consistently in the mind of the goal setter. Eventually the goal setter will have no need to be reminded on the goals he sets for himself.

SMART is an acronym for the following bywords:

-Specific. The goal has to be as detailed as possible. This is to reduce the time to think about what the goal is. This must answer the basic questions of Who, What, When, Where, Which and Why.

The more specific the goal, the more the end result can be envisioned by the goal setter. This dovetails into the sports theory that an athlete can see the goal before it is attained through training.  Studies have affirmed that visualization helps immensely in the attainments of a desired goal.

-Measurable. When setting goals, it is must also be specific that progress can be held up against a measure, or a benchmark. In bodybuilding, it is measurable to state that the goal is to bench press a weight of 200 pounds in two months time.

The old adage states that if “it can be measured, it can be attained” is also a known fact among athletes. Athletes keep a record of their performance on and off the field of contest in order to have something to compare against. They even measure other athletes in different sports to improve their understanding.

-Attainable. This is a part where you determine the will to reach your goals. Do you think the goal is attainable? Will it help you fulfill your overall goal? The more specific a goal is, the more you can find ways of reaching your target. You develop and educate yourself on reaching those goals.

-Realistic. Does it make logical sense? Getting to Mars and back within 20 days is a goal, but with the resources, you have, is it realistic? Will it take a huge effort to achieve the objective? A person must be willing and especially able to achieve the goal.

It is still realistic to aim high. It has to do with the rewards received, or the way the goal moves you forward. If you do not possess the skills or inclination to reach the goal, then the goals is unrealistic. No amount of motivation can get a man to do what he despises.

-Time-bound. This is the most important of all. A goal has to have a deadline. This is to prevent the goal setter from letting his goal slide from one day to the next. The true price paid for goals is the time you give the goal.

Remember this, time is the true price paid for your dreams, the earlier the dream can be achieved, the more time you have to enjoy it.

Don’t let other people rob you of your goals, use the SMART method and share it with others so you can help each other reach your goals.